Come Dine With Me

[thirstforvice]

Slowly, life returns to normal.

Treves visits, regularly at first, then less so, helping Matthew to rehabilitate his leg to a level where he can walk without help once more, though he still relies heavily on the use of a cane. Bennet's memories continue to return, in steady dribs and drabs, and Edmund invites them both to return to their work before too long. Matthew's stomach turns at the thought of going back on the trains again, even the underground ones, and blames his leg for why he favours a carriage.

He's taking laudanum again, coca too, but that he keeps quiet. There's no need to worry Bennet with that, not yet anyway, not when everything is still so fragile.

They've been back at Leman Street just over a week when Matthew and Bennet return home to a frantically cooking Mrs Ramsay.

"There was a message, from your Inspector Reid," she informs them both as she moves around the kitchen. "He will be dining with us this evening."

Comments

[thegentlemanthug]

"Not always," Bennet says, and falls quiet again.

Some memories are stronger than others.

[thirstforvice]

Based on the yardsticks Matthew has, Bennet has been nothing but saintly to him. Even that one time he'd been attacked, ended up in the London with a concussion, that hadn't been Bennet's fault.

"You're perfect," he promises, patting Bennet's leg.

[thegentlemanthug]

"I'm just a man," Bennet tells him. "A mortal man. Unlike that hell-demon what just left."

[thirstforvice]

"More than enough for me," Matthew drops his head further, curling up and resting against Bennet's lap.

"Did you ever want children, Bennet?"

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet gives the questions serious thought, his brow furrowed.

"I never really thought on it. I reckoned it would happen, if I married, but then I met you."

[thirstforvice]

"And you don't..." Matthew is scared to ask. "Regret it? Now?"

[thegentlemanthug]

"You're all I want. Our life together. What would I know about raising a kid anyway?"

Bennet kisses the top of Matthew's head.

[thirstforvice]

"I bet you'd be good," Matthew thinks. "Better than me. Never know what to do with... small people."

[thegentlemanthug]

"Can barely take care of myself," Bennet smiles. "S'what I've got a housekeeper for."

[thirstforvice]

Matthew finally gives a ghost of a smile, turning his face to press his lips against Bennet's stomach, not ready yet to sit up.

"And me. You've got me."

[thegentlemanthug]

"What more could a man want?" Bennet declares, hand in his lover's hair.

[thirstforvice]

A great deal more than me, Matthew thinks, but he is done voicing his self-loathing. Instead, he simply wraps his arms around Bennet's middle, and closes his eyes.

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet holds him close and breathes him in, continuing his soothing stroking through his lover's hair.

"Tea?" he asks. "Or something stronger?"

[thirstforvice]

"Stronger," Matthew doesn't need to think about that. Indeed, he is thinking of the bottles hidden beneath the floorboards beneath their bed; the kind of 'stronger' that he's keeping well-hidden from Bennet. For the time being. He'll tell him one day soon. When he has more of his memories.

That's what he's telling himself to assuage his guilt.

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet doesn't have to reach far, the old bottle of whiskey propped not far from their bed.

He sloshes a good measure in one of the nearby glasses and presses it into Matthew's hand.

[thirstforvice]

Matthew had forgotten the bottle was there. He'd hoped Bennet would have gone downstairs, just for a minute, just long enough for a swig of laudanum or the coca. He will have to ask for tea, or suggest they go back downstairs, if he is to get at his secret stash tonight.

For now, he makes do with the whiskey, downing it faster than perhaps it is polite to do.

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet is worried about how fast the whiskey goes down, but drinks his own with equal fervour. They need to chase the shade of Long Susan from their home.

[thirstforvice]

"Have you seen Mrs Ramsay since they left?" Matthew asks as he finally sits himself up straight, straightening his back and rectifying the slump in his shoulders.

"We should... apologise."

[thegentlemanthug]

"We should drink more," Bennet counters. "She's probably just...angry."

[thirstforvice]

"Downstairs, then," Matthew hopes he is being subtle enough.

"Don't wanna use all the best whiskey up, do we?"

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet had hoped for a night in bed with the whiskey, but it seems Matthew is determined to appease their housekeeper.

"All right - if you insist."

[thirstforvice]

"I'll be down in a minute," Matthew promises, rubbing at his face as though he just wants a minute to put himself back together, and nothing more.

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet thinks it a little strange that Matthew would suggest they move and then delay. Yet he thinks his lover must want a little time alone, to mourn the past perhaps, and he kisses him gently before making his way downstairs.

[thirstforvice]

Once he is sure that Bennet's footsteps are no longer on the stairs, Matthew gets up from the bed and crouches down next to it. Reaching under the frame, his fingers lift up the loose floorboard, revealing his stash of substances he knows he shouldn't be taking.

He takes out the bottle of laudanum, by far the quickest to take, needing only to uncork the bottle and swig it down. Replacing the bottle, and the floorboard, when he is ready, Matthew wipes the evidence from his mouth with the back of his hand and takes up his stick, heading downstairs after Bennet.

[thegentlemanthug]

The table is already cleared, the plates clean, and Mrs Ramsay carefully storing the leftovers when Bennet comes down to make their apology.

She heats rum on the stove and Bennet sits in the kitchen, the two of them in companionable silence.