Capt. Homer Jackson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thirstforvice) wrote2014-11-15 11:52 pm
thirstforvice) wrote2014-11-15 11:52 pm
Entry tags:
A dip in the Thames
Matthew stayed in the London for a full two weeks before Treves had no choice but to send him home. With any other patient, he would have been gone a week ago, or more, but Treves had been concerned about the amount of sedation his patient continued to require. The leg would heal, as it had before, but the Captain's mind seemed broken beyond his repair.
He had even suggested the asylum to the housekeeper, when she showed up to finally take him home, but she had assured him she would be able to look after the Doctor. It was clear that neither she, nor Captain Jackson, had fond associations with the city's madhouse. With assurances that the woman would be able to call on help if she needed it, Treves had reluctantly let them go.
For his part, Matthew suffered the journey home in silence, allowing Mrs Ramsay to remove him from the London in the wheelchair he had refused so vehemently last time his leg had been broken. He'd fought Bennet to let him walk out with some sense of pride, but now... the fight just made him think of his lost lover, and he had lost far worse than his pride.
In the carriage home, Mrs Ramsay had tried to talk about Drake, but Matthew refused to join in. She wanted to talk about a memorial for him, an alternative to a body to give a funeral too. But Matthew had just shaken his head, repeated over and over that Bennet was not dead, only missing. That he required cold, hard proof before he accepted that his lover was truly gone from him.
Reid had been waiting for them at the house, to carry him up the stairs to bed. He had balked then, both at the indignity and the realisation that he was going to have to lie still in the room that was so infused with his Benny. The last night he had lain in that room, he and Bennet had made love until they had been unable to stay awake a moment longer, relaxed in the knowledge that the morning would bring them a holiday.
He had kicked and screamed like an infant as Reid had carried him up the stairs, but it did little more than slow the Inspector a little. He was taken into that room regardless of the swearing and shouting, put to bed by Mrs Ramsay and left once more in the dark and the silence.
**
For weeks, Matthew lies there, saying nothing, eating nothing, drinking the bare minimum. When somebody came to sit with him, be it Mrs Ramsay or Edmund or another bobby from the force, he says the same thing again and again. That Bennet isn't dead, that people need to be out there looking for him. But they only offer their apologies and leave him alone, once more.
In the end, he starts to believe it himself. His Benny would have come home by now after all, no matter how far he had been thrown, how injured he had been. Even if he was incapable of moving, he would have found a way to get a message to him. The evidence was mounting that Bennet Drake was dead, and if that was the case...
He cannot think of anything else for the next few days, incapable of doing anything but crying as the grief finally hits him full force. Mrs Ramsay seems to think this a good thing, for some ridiculous reason, her own mood seemingly starting to improve as Matthew's darkens. For the first time since coming home, she actually starts to leave the house without finding a carer for him, leaving him utterly alone.
Matthew doesn't do anything at first, lying still as he is left alone, but in his mind a plan is forming. By the time Mrs Ramsay leaves him alone for the fourth time, he is prepared.
He leaves a simple note on his pillow:
I miss him too much. I'm sorry.
and leaves behind all the money he has on his person, bar a few coins. Getting out of bed is harder, his body weak and his hands clumsy around the crutches left at his bedside. But he struggles, knowing that the pain is almost at an end now. Soon, he will be with Benny again, and that gives him the strength to dress and make his way from the house.
He flags down a hansom from the pavement, paying his remaining coins to take him down to the river. And then, when he is finally alone on the riverside, he closes his eyes and lets his body fall forwards.
Whatever comes next, he knows his Benny will be waiting for him.
He had even suggested the asylum to the housekeeper, when she showed up to finally take him home, but she had assured him she would be able to look after the Doctor. It was clear that neither she, nor Captain Jackson, had fond associations with the city's madhouse. With assurances that the woman would be able to call on help if she needed it, Treves had reluctantly let them go.
For his part, Matthew suffered the journey home in silence, allowing Mrs Ramsay to remove him from the London in the wheelchair he had refused so vehemently last time his leg had been broken. He'd fought Bennet to let him walk out with some sense of pride, but now... the fight just made him think of his lost lover, and he had lost far worse than his pride.
In the carriage home, Mrs Ramsay had tried to talk about Drake, but Matthew refused to join in. She wanted to talk about a memorial for him, an alternative to a body to give a funeral too. But Matthew had just shaken his head, repeated over and over that Bennet was not dead, only missing. That he required cold, hard proof before he accepted that his lover was truly gone from him.
Reid had been waiting for them at the house, to carry him up the stairs to bed. He had balked then, both at the indignity and the realisation that he was going to have to lie still in the room that was so infused with his Benny. The last night he had lain in that room, he and Bennet had made love until they had been unable to stay awake a moment longer, relaxed in the knowledge that the morning would bring them a holiday.
He had kicked and screamed like an infant as Reid had carried him up the stairs, but it did little more than slow the Inspector a little. He was taken into that room regardless of the swearing and shouting, put to bed by Mrs Ramsay and left once more in the dark and the silence.
**
For weeks, Matthew lies there, saying nothing, eating nothing, drinking the bare minimum. When somebody came to sit with him, be it Mrs Ramsay or Edmund or another bobby from the force, he says the same thing again and again. That Bennet isn't dead, that people need to be out there looking for him. But they only offer their apologies and leave him alone, once more.
In the end, he starts to believe it himself. His Benny would have come home by now after all, no matter how far he had been thrown, how injured he had been. Even if he was incapable of moving, he would have found a way to get a message to him. The evidence was mounting that Bennet Drake was dead, and if that was the case...
He cannot think of anything else for the next few days, incapable of doing anything but crying as the grief finally hits him full force. Mrs Ramsay seems to think this a good thing, for some ridiculous reason, her own mood seemingly starting to improve as Matthew's darkens. For the first time since coming home, she actually starts to leave the house without finding a carer for him, leaving him utterly alone.
Matthew doesn't do anything at first, lying still as he is left alone, but in his mind a plan is forming. By the time Mrs Ramsay leaves him alone for the fourth time, he is prepared.
He leaves a simple note on his pillow:
I miss him too much. I'm sorry.
and leaves behind all the money he has on his person, bar a few coins. Getting out of bed is harder, his body weak and his hands clumsy around the crutches left at his bedside. But he struggles, knowing that the pain is almost at an end now. Soon, he will be with Benny again, and that gives him the strength to dress and make his way from the house.
He flags down a hansom from the pavement, paying his remaining coins to take him down to the river. And then, when he is finally alone on the riverside, he closes his eyes and lets his body fall forwards.
Whatever comes next, he knows his Benny will be waiting for him.
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He knows nothing of his life before he woke two months ago. The kindly woman who had taken him in said he had been badly injured, bleeding from his head and staggering around Limehouse. She thought he had been knocked about by some debtor and had sheltered him until he recovered his senses - but not his mind.
When he had been half-crazed, he had said his name was Ben, she told him. That is the only thing remaining of his past life.
Still, his work at the docks is satisfying and pays well, and he is happy to carry on with it until his mind returns to him. And if it does not return, he is satisfied with his lot, though there is something deep inside him that tells him he is missed.
Tonight it seems is a night for lost souls. Because when his new friends say goodnight, he walks along the dockside, unable to rest. Something is nagging at him and he needs to walk it off.
Suddenly, he hears a splash from a little way along the walkway. He runs to the railing and sees a large set of ripples - and a man's hat floating on the surface.
Without thinking, he climbs the rail and jumps into the water.
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Just as consciousness leaves him, he feels a hard tug around his waist. Presumably whatever God there might be, dragging him from this freezing death into his Heaven, where Benny will be awaiting him.
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He tows him backwards through the water before heaving him up and rolling him under the riverside railing.
Ben climbs up after him and checks to see if he's breathing.
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"You're all right," he tells him. "Take some deep breaths now."
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Though... he had expected a Heaven to be warmer, free of aches and pains. Instead his leg is blazing agony once more, his chest burning like fire as he coughs up the putrid water. Like so many attempts before, this suicide had failed, that was clear. And that had to mean...
He forced open his streaming eyes, looking through the darkness at his rescuer. "Benny?"
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Ben has questions, so many questions, but suddenly the fear of being known is overwhelming. Who is he - and is he good? This man, the one who knows him, just jumped into the river. What kind of man has friends like that?
Some passers-by come over to them, fussing over the half-drowned man, and Ben stands and moves away.
He is not ready to be known.
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"Police," he begs of them, when they offer to fetch him a cab home, or to the hospital. "H Division. Leman Street." He refuses to give any other address, until eventually his guardians give in and pack him off in a cab bound for Reid.
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"What in God's name is going on here?"
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"Sir! Message from Captain Jackson's house! His housekeeper says..." the young lad freezes at the sight of the Captain, alive if not well, in the station. "Never mind."
"He's alive!" Matthew repeats. "The dead room. Take me. I can.... I can prove it. I've seen him."
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"Fetch a blanket from the cells," he tells Hobbs. "And a pot of coffee."
He turns back to Jackson. "Speak sense, man. How did you end up in the river?"
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"He's alive. Bennet's alive!" he tries yet again to convince the man. "Down by the docks. He pulled me out."
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"What were you doing in the water?"
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"Bennet's alive. Limehouse docks... I saw him."
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"Why did your housekeeper send for the police?"
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Reid had told him, on one of his visits to the house during his convalescence, that the unidentified remains from the train disaster were awaiting him here, for him to forensicate to the best of his ability. And there his evidence would be. He could show them all that no part of Bennet lay amongst the severed limbs. His distinctive tattoos would show that plain as day.
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"She said he left a note, sir," Hobbs says anxiously, and Reid quickens his step.
"It is the middle of the night, man!"
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"Where are they?" he demands, looking nothing short of deranged as he drags himself along the floor. "The bags. Bring them to me!"
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"Enough, Captain - enough!"
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"You bring them to me, right now!"
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"You are raving!" he shouts. "Bennet Drake is dead!"
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"Bring your limbs and I will prove it, goddammit! Or take yourself to Limehouse Docks."
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"Hobbs, fetch the laudanum - quick, man!"
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"Should I send for Treves too, sir?" Hobbs asks as he passes over the laudanum bottle.
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