Come Dine With Me

[thirstforvice]

Slowly, life returns to normal.

Treves visits, regularly at first, then less so, helping Matthew to rehabilitate his leg to a level where he can walk without help once more, though he still relies heavily on the use of a cane. Bennet's memories continue to return, in steady dribs and drabs, and Edmund invites them both to return to their work before too long. Matthew's stomach turns at the thought of going back on the trains again, even the underground ones, and blames his leg for why he favours a carriage.

He's taking laudanum again, coca too, but that he keeps quiet. There's no need to worry Bennet with that, not yet anyway, not when everything is still so fragile.

They've been back at Leman Street just over a week when Matthew and Bennet return home to a frantically cooking Mrs Ramsay.

"There was a message, from your Inspector Reid," she informs them both as she moves around the kitchen. "He will be dining with us this evening."

Comments

[thirstforvice]

Matthew feels his legs go weak, and this time it's nothing to do with his injured leg. He's glad of Bennet's steadying hand as he stares at his soon-to-be-ex-wife, and his boss.

"You... you didn't hang about there, did you?" He hears the words leaving his mouth but his mind is a million miles away, swirling in sickening circles, and he thinks he might faint, or be sick, or both.

[thegentlemanthug]

"I think you'd better leave now," Bennet says.

Reid doesn't hesitate, quickly crossing the room to collect their coats without further prompting.

[thirstforvice]

Matthew doesn't wait to say goodbye, pulling free of Bennet and pushing past their guests, making a quick exit upstairs. The bedroom door slams behind him, leaving him blessedly alone in the dark to process everything that's just happened.

[thegentlemanthug]

Susan makes some tart comment, but the blood is roaring too loud in Bennet's ears for him to hear anything at all.

Reid ushers her out without another word and Bennet slams the door, leaning against it for a moment, before throwing the nearest object into the wall.

The petite vase smashes and he regrets it immediately, looking for the broom.

Mrs Ramsay appears and shoos him away. "I've got it, dear. Go and see to your doctor."

[thirstforvice]

Matthew sits in the dark on the edge of the bed, and whilst he furiously wipes at his cheeks as he hears footsteps on the stair, he knows that the tears will still be obvious to Bennet.

He doesn't even know why he's so upset, but he feels as though a brick wall has come tumbling down on top of him. He'd given up any hope of a happy marriage with Caitlin long ago, and the concept of having a child together had never even been discussed. Hell, he'd never truly wanted to be a father. But hearing that she's found someone else, someone who's giving her a happy marriage and a family of her own... he feels jealous, angry, embarrassed... anything but happy. No matter how much he loves Bennet and their life together.

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet doesn't knock, but opens the door slowly, bringing a lamp inside with him.

"Matthew? It's only me."

[thirstforvice]

Matthew offers up a weak smile, rubbing at his eyes again.

"I'll be down in a minute," he promises.

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet perches on the edge of their bed.

"I came up to see you."

[thirstforvice]

Matthew sighs, leaning his head against Bennet's shoulder as he sits at his side.

"Have they gone?"

[thegentlemanthug]

"They've gone," Bennet confirms.

"They had no right to be here, say what they did. Not in our house."

[thirstforvice]

"We'd have found out, sooner or later," even now, Matthew tries to reason with Susan, and paint a better picture of her.

"Best we know now."

[thegentlemanthug]

"She came here, ate our food, drank our tea, and then dared to say those words to you?"

Bennet is angry now, his real contention boiling over. The memory is unclear, murky, but his hatred for Susan burns strong.

[thirstforvice]

Matthew can only shrug. He's known for a long time that Caitlin saw him as an abject failure; he shouldn't be surprised that she's found somebody who can give her what she wants.

"She never even mentioned wanting children," he says, thinking out loud rather than trying to draw Bennet into conversation about his failed marriage.

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet flinches.

"Is that...would that be something you want...wanted? With her?"

[thirstforvice]

"I don't know. Probably not..." Matthew frowns. "Point is, you're the one asking me that question. She never even mentioned it. Never even asked. And now I'm the fool for not giving her something she never even asked me for."

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet falls silent, his mood dark. Susan casts a long shadow.

"It would've been another way to trap you," he says, eventually.

[thirstforvice]

"She weren't throwin' punches at Reid, was she?" Matthew tries hard not to snap, knowing none of this is Bennet's fault, but he is hurting.

"It's me. It's always me."

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet has nothing to say to that, hoped that Matthew would've realised that he valued him more than that - that the harpy was the problem, not him.

Instead, he stays quiet, sad, waiting on what he does not know.

[thirstforvice]

"What is it about me?" Matthew's not quite ready to drop the subject.

"Bet I drive you up the wall 'nd all, don't I?"

[thegentlemanthug]

Bennet shakes his head.

"No one deserves what she did to you, but you least of all."

[thirstforvice]

"She weren't the first, though," Matthew sighs, but drops his head onto Bennet's shoulder all the same and says no more.

[thegentlemanthug]

"You ever think you might just have terrible taste?"

Bennet tries for the joke, bringing his hand up to hold Matthew's.

[thirstforvice]

"I love you," Matthew half-proclaims, half-reasons. "'nd you've never been anythin' but good."

[thegentlemanthug]

"Not always," Bennet says, and falls quiet again.

Some memories are stronger than others.

[thirstforvice]

Based on the yardsticks Matthew has, Bennet has been nothing but saintly to him. Even that one time he'd been attacked, ended up in the London with a concussion, that hadn't been Bennet's fault.

"You're perfect," he promises, patting Bennet's leg.